U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
