I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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