JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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