there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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