I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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