take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
