I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
