We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
