I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
