Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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