Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
