so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
