Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
