Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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