i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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