I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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