Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
