When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
