There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
