i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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