Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
