Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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