So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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