somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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