mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
