I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
