we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
