Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just had sex bonerless
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
