There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
