So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
