Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
