That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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