how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
