I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
