Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
