...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
