Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
