I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Someone shit on the floor
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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