Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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