i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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