I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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