The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He? As in you personified your dick?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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