Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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