i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
