Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize