dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Still dying that you shit outside
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
