Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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