Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
