Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
