Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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