apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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