I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
