Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
